The Fire

I awoke this morning just inundated with thoughts and images of Hurricane Harvey, the flooding, the homes ripped apart by wind, the mounds of twisted metal buildings filled with boats and vehicles, the scenes of furniture, bicycles, and toys all floating down rivers which were once roads.  All of these images which have been made so public, represent peoples lives, their stories....and it breaks my heart!  I have read countless posts from friends who have evacuated their homes, saving what they could, but knowing they will be coming back to extreme damage and repairs that will take months.  And as I sat here and prayed for them, I started to write this: I am thinking this morning of the thousands and thousands of people who have lost their homes, businesses, and even loved ones, to this horrible storm.  Today the hurricane has passed, but the flooding and devastation continues.  By all outward appearances, the sea has calmed; but it is the storm inside us that...

As usual, I begin writing with no idea where I'm headed.  This is a mirror to my life right now - "no idea where I'm headed."  Tomorrow will be 4 months and I realized that the date, the 11th, is so etched in my subconscious that my whole body begins to ache with horrible anticipation each month as it draws near.  Four months ago today I kissed him goodnight, hugged him close and said "I love you," not knowing it would be the last time I would get to do those simple sacred things.  With each 11th that passes, I fear he is getting farther and farther away from me.  And I know as the months begin to add up, there is more of an expectation that I should be getting along, doing better.  Ugh. People ask how I am doing and I always feel like such a liar when I say, "as good as can be expected" or "just taking it one day at a time."  The truth is I am not taking one day at a time and I'm certainly not doing as good as you would expect.  I ...