O Come All Ye Disloyal, Destitute and Defeated

The Christmas season is upon us!  This used to be my favorite time of year.  I loved decorating every inch of the house and throwing lights over everything that would stand still.  As Jon would drag the boxes out of the attic, I would crank up the Christmas tunes and our house instantly became the happiest place on earth.  I have slightly doctored visions of us laughing, kissing and gleefully enjoying the season.  In these visions nobody gets frustrated with kids who aren’t helping, or husbands who don’t understand how to hang a garland properly.  Nobody curses at the pre-lit tree for missing a section of lights or slams the door to the garage as they are putting the boxes up after asking someone else to help 6 times.  Nope, those things never happened.   Well, maybe they did, but it didn’t matter because there was love everywhere.  We didn’t have to exist in perfect conflict-free harmony 100% of the time because the undercurrent of love and the assurance of acceptance and commitment was a given.  Those hiccups  were just moments we usually laughed at later and never interfered with the joy of the season.  

I would take a season filled with fighting over a season of silence any day.  This will be our second Christmas without Jon….also our second Christmas in an apartment, and I’m not going to lie, I hate it.  The season has gone from being my favorite time of year to being a time to endure, a time to grit my teeth, hold my breath and clench my fists until I can breathe a sigh of relief in January.  I did put the tree up (thanks to my friend Mandy), but there was no Christmas music or cider involved, and no feeling of Christmas joy and magic in the air.  I did it out of a sense of obligation to my kids and a nod to tradition, and because I would have felt guilty and sad for all my beautiful glass ornaments if they had to spend a Christmas in a box in the garage. (I know…I’m a loon)  Also because sometimes going through the motions is all we can do.  Sometimes when we go through the motions, the emotions follow close behind.  That’s me this Christmas.  I’m hoping that as I go through the motions, the joy will overtake me.  We’ll see!  This does not fit with the vision I had of myself.  I mean, I really hate this me right now.  I WANTED to be the eternal optimist, ready to see the good in each situation, wearing my garment of praise, a pillar of strength, clothed in dignity and delight.  But as it turns out, I’m really more of a Grinch than a Cindy Lou Who.  Mind you, most people would never know this because one thing I am good at is putting on my happy face!  Most days I wear a smile, whether I feel it or not, and sometimes just putting it on helps.  

So, part of going through the motions, or faking it til you make it, for me is singing.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my worship is insincere.  It just comes from a different place.  Whereas it used to float freely toward the heavens like a weightless feather on a billowy cloud, it now has to be unearthed from the ground.  It is heavy and thick with mud.  It rests in my hands while my tears wash away the muck.  Eventually, the sun comes out, dries it off and the wind of the Holy Spirit whisks it away to worlds unknown.  But it’s a process…every time.

I am currently preparing to sing one of my favorite Christmas hymns, “O Come All Ye Faithful,” so I was giving it a listen as I had my coffee morning.  The music began and I heard the words as if for the first time, “O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant.”  Cynical me snorted, “wow, what about me?”  I thought about the words some more.  It is an invitation to come and behold God’s gift of salvation to the world.  It is an invitation to view the greatest mystery, the greatest miracle ever… that the God who created the universe, the God who exists in power and majesty like you cannot even fathom, would come to us in the most helpless, defenseless form.  There was nothing majestic in that stable, no cradle made of gold, no handmade embroidered silk gowns or servants to tend to his every need…. just some hay, some sheep, a humble young newlywed couple and a tiny baby.  The people of Bethlehem scurried about their everyday lives, completely unaware that GOD was residing in a trough in a stable nearby.  Does that not blow your mind?  So, why is this invitation only to the faithful, joyful and triumphant?  What about the disloyal, downcast and defeated?  Where is my invitation?  What about the confused, contrite and crestfallen?  Where is their invitation?   I love you, John Francis Wade, but I’m afraid you got it wrong.  

The invitation to come and behold this Savior was given to all of us, the disloyal, dishonest, discouraged, defenseless, depleted, defeated, and downcast.  We drag ourselves timidly to the stable to see what God has done with cautious hope that He will receive us.  And He does, without hesitation, without conditions.  What love He has shown us, that he would come as weak, vulnerable, helpless and defenseless so that he could relate to US, so that he could sympathize with our EVERY weakness.  Our response is an eruption of gratitude, an overwhelmed heart gushing with praise and worship.  We have come to this king as anything other than faithful, joyful and triumphant.    The miracle is that though we came as disheveled, despondent, depressed and desperate, He did not allow us to leave this way.  As we behold, focus all of our thoughts and energy on the King of Kings lying in a manger, His love transforms us.  Our sackcloth of ashes is exchanged for a garment of praise, our disloyal, disabled and despondent hearts are made faithful.  Our depressed, desolate and downcast spirit is made joyful.  And our defeated, destitute and desperate souls are made triumphant.  

He transformed us then and continues to transform us every day we will simply behold Him.  Go with me to Bethlehem today.  I am dragging myself into the stable disheveled and downcast, but the King of Kings is there and I know I cannot leave His presence the same way I entered.  O come let us adore Him.  O come let us adore Him.  O come let us adore Him.  Indeed.