The Fire

I have been asked to share the letter I wrote which was read at Jon's memorial service.  I am so happy to share it because I want EVERYONE to know what a wonderful man he was.  It was written to be read allowed - not printed, so forgive any grammatical errors - I don't have the energy to search them out at the moment.  :)  Though my words fall short, I hope you this will give you some idea why the hole in our hearts will be impossible to fill.  Only by the grace of our loving God. Who was Jon Massey?     He was many things, to many people, but rest assured he was NOT his disease.   Depression did not define him.  The looming dark cloud that brought on his intense  sadness was NOT WHO JON was.   I don't have adequate words to honor him today.  My heart is so full of grief, but also  overflowing with thankfulness, so if you'll allow me, I just want to share a little bit of the  Jon Massey we all...

It has been 1 week and 1 day since my love, my best friend, departed this world.  I am alone.  The pain is a searing, hot, unrelenting fire that consumes my heart.  I have never felt anything like this before.  I am not sure what to do with myself.  The mornings come and the first thing I realize is that I am alone.  I. am. alone.  The daytime is filled with questions, devastating sorrow for what he went through, and debilitating self-loathing, wondering how I must have failed him.  The night comes and the reality of his absence threatens my very ability to breathe.  My chest caves in and the sobs and screams are the only thing that allow air to enter my lungs.  The silence follows the sobs, and the silence is deafening.  I don’t know what to do with myself, how to begin to live again.  I don’t reach for my phone to call him or text him.  I don’t accidentally call his name because there isn’t one second that goes by that ...